If you're cute and tall and red-headed, clap your hands.
If you're funny and nice and like dancing, clap your hands.
If you're smart and you work for Bill, and you live in See-aaa-til,
if it's your birthday and you know it, clap your hands.

You had better be sitting at your desk clapping those hands like crazy, mister. Happy birthday. :)

And Jason, I am sorry I didn't have a fantastically original birthday song for you, too -- you certainly deserve one because you are also marvelous. Change "like dancing" to "like video games" and "work for Bill, and you live in See-aaa-til" to "have a dog, and I'm not sure if you like to jog" so it can be your song too, OK?