God bless D.C.: Check out our candidates for mayor. I might actually vote for the Green Party Statehood guy. Then again, there are so many other attractive options: the bugle-playing stripper, the guy who thinks the statement "D.C. has a unelected president whose daughters and niece are drunks" is a reason to vote for him, the current mayor up for reelection who was just fined a zillion bucks for forging names on his petitions.

And, to make matters even better, I don't know what city ward I live in, so I'm not sure where to go tomorrow morning (let alone which wonderfully qualified candidates to vote for there). My current voter registration card has my old address and polling place on it, but my driver's license has my new address -- when I was at the DMV last time, I asked the clerk if I'd get a new card and she actually laughed at me. I repeat: God bless D.C.