Wednesday, September 10, 2003

last night I had the strangest
I dreamt I was starting another semester abroad in Israel, and I was in an apartment that looked nothing like the one I actually lived in but I knew was the same. There were a lot of hallways and some kind of courtyard, and my old roommate Kim was running toward me through one of the halls. I can't remember much more except that I was so excited to be there -- unlike the first time, when at the beginning I was too freaked out to be excited about much of anything.

I know this happens to many of us every fall, but I have that old give-me-something-new feeling. I want to go to art school. I want to move to England. I want to disappear somewhere so I can finish the book.

I look at people (one person in particular) who have sort of forsaken "regular life" to embrace unscheduled possibility, who have taken really big scary leaps to start doing something they love stop doing something they didn't love and welcome fluidity and uncertainty into their lives. I don't know how to do that, mainly because I don't know if I would really be happier if I decided to quit everything. Too much of what I do love is wrapped into my average day. I am happy to get out of bed in the morning. I like my life.

<Sex in the City voiceover>But, in the fall, you can't help but wonder: What if different would be better?</voiceover>

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