THERE'S A MOTHERF-ING SNAKE IN THIS MOTHER-FING GARDEN*

Squash plants, very dense, many leaves and thick stems etc., killing more damn squash bugs, pulling stubborn weeds, disturbing thick growth in middle of plant, sudden rustling, feel SOMETHING MOVING ON OWN FOOT, look down, SNAKE MOVING OVER FOOT, snake not all that small, snake actually quite long, oh my god, gasping very loudly**, snake disappearing into gigantic weeds at end of garden, no more snake, still somewhat shell-shocked, no one around to exclaim to about snake.

Probably garter snake, right? Looked something like this:
Know those snakes are not poisonous, know snakes are actually helpful in gardens, know they are nothing to be scared of, know they eat mice and possibly bugs and other animals that are bad for gardens, know that birds are scared of them. Fine fine. Not necessarily wanting snake to go away and am perfectly happy if snake wants to live in harmony with the squash but perhaps not on own FOOT which is attached to own BODY and please keep hands/tail/snakeitude to ONESELF PLEASE SNAKE THANK YOU OK.

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*Normally, I am something of a supporter of that word and I wouldn't hesitate to write it out in the right context, but this is a family-friendly blog.

**I was actually much more startled by the frog, which jumped very suddenly because I probably scared it. I think I yelped loudly (rather than gasping loudly) when that happened. But please note the frog did not physically touch me. Also the frog then sat still, trying to blend into a tomato plant and pretending it didn't exist, so I was able to sort of understand what had happened -- quite unlike our parsel-tongue friend who slithered away before I could get a good look.