Dear Gravity,
Just wanted to write and say thanks for stopping by to say hi today. You know, I take you for granted sometimes. I know. I know! It's really not cool of me. Those four stairs down to the sidewalk from our front porch, coated in a transparent sheet of ice -- which we can chalk up to the fact that our house has no gutters, so the melting snow on the roof drips directly down onto the porch and refreezes on the steps -- were your perfect opportunity.
But I have a small quibble: It wasn't really necessary to remind me so HARD. The multi-hued, dinner-plate-sized bruise on my lower back and upper ass... it kind of hurts. I'm aware that the ass is nicely padded, but, you know, I can still FEEL it. I'm sorry to be ungrateful for all the things you do for me, though, like not allowing objects to fly randomly around the room and hit me on the head. (Or on the ass -- which, come to think of it, makes this a very apt punishment.) I promise I'll never forget you exist again. I know. I know! It's really not cool of me.
You take care now,
Gwen
3 comments:
Hee! Just remember that your ass is your protector. When twiggy models slip on the ice they probably break every bone in their scrawny little bodies.
Stupid Isaac Newton forgetting to put temperature into the equation. We should get lighter when it gets colder.
Oh man, this hits close to home... I had a spectacular wipeout last week involving high heels and a wet marble floor. Can't take me ANYWHERE.
FU, gravity.
Post a Comment