You guys, I stuck my foot in my mouth in a really profoundly stupid way tonight. It involved coworkers and money and salaries and alcohol and... not good. The offended party seemed to recover quickly and of course said it was fine, no problem, not a big deal, etc., but in her place, I would have also acted like I recovered quickly and then stewed about it for just about the rest of my life.
The worst part about this is that I will now stew about it for the rest of my life too, and probably apologize 60 more times and not let it go and make it way worse and aargh. How do you deal with this stuff? (That sounded like a rhetorical question, but it wasn't -- I would like to know some alternative methods, even if they don't work particularly well. At least they would be a change of pace.)
4 comments:
If stewing about it will make you feel like you're moving in a forward direction then by all means do it. If not, and you've already sincerely apologized, you have to let it go. Easier said than done, I know. How many times have I put my foot in my mouth? About a bajillion.
A book I read said that if you feel you must dwell/worry/flagellate yourself over something that you should do it in an uncomfortable place like sitting on the stairs in your attic (you probably don't have an attic, tho). Being in such an uncomfortable place will let you think about things but not too long because eventually you'll become to uncomfortable in said place to stay there long. And then you let it go. Not sure if that helps...
Unfortunately, there's nothing else to be done. Bringing it up again won't be productive; it'll just reopen the wound. You have apologized and there's nothing more you can ask from someone. We all do stupid things from time to time and we all hurt people whether we mean to do so or not. I agree with Kelly's advice above. When I need to make peace with something, I will write a long letter and not send it. I'll then do something cathartic with it, either burning or shredding. I know that doesn't feel good now, but in a few days it'll be better. Life is too short to ruminate on things you can't change.
Depending on how well you know the offended party, I might invite her for coffee or something during the work day. I know you've apologized in public, but sometimes a personal outreach means more. I say this as someone who has said The Wrong Thing many, many times.
In the meantime, hang in there. You're a good person, and I'm sure the other party knows that.
your friends give good advice. people say dumb things all the time, especially when alcohol is involved. if you recognized it and apologized, just let it go. your coworkers eventually will too. a coworker asked me about my salary once, and i was offended, but i got over it pretty quick and we're good. and she hadn't had anything to drink!
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