H. and I just deconstructed Cake's "Short Skirt Long Jacket," and I have determined that -- whether or not you believe Cake is being sarcastic and/or metaphoric -- I want to be the girl. I will soon start taking definitive steps to become her. Especially this part:

"I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity who uses a machete to cut through red tape
with fingernails that shine like justice and a voice that is dark like tinted glass.
She is fast, thorough and sharp as a tack,
she is touring the facility and picking up slack."

Unfortunately, I am starting at a disadvantage because I possess exactly none of the qualities she does. With the exception of staying up late and owning a long jacket (I don't think I even have a skirt that one would consider "short," per se), I am the antithesis of most of the things this girl is or has — but no matter! I will start hanging out at CitiBank and I will trade my Honda for a white Chrysler LeBaron...